我的見證
馮博偉
我出生在台灣的台中，是家中的老么，在我成長的過程我一直是個非常安靜的孩子。我的家庭並不是個有信仰的家庭，所以我們從來不曾談過任何有關靈性方面的事。
因為父親工作的關係，在我11 歲的時候，我們搬來了美國德州。當時我的英文非常糟糕，因此我的個性變得更內向了。雖然我的父母並不是基督徒，當時他們卻開始去教會了。即使如此，他們從不強迫我去。而以我內向的個性，當然也不會想去。就這樣過了三年，當他們返回台灣時，(他們)仍未相信這位神。
當時我和哥哥決定要留在美國繼續我們的學業。我上高中，而哥哥念大學。高中可說是我人生中最黑暗的一段時光。那時父母不在我身邊而我又不太會交朋友，很多時候我都是自己一個人，常常落入沮喪和低自尊的情緒中。雖然我後來還是交到一些朋友，而這些友誼也幫助我撐到高中畢業，但我仍然不認識神！
在偶然的情況下，我來到UT 唸書。其實我並沒有很強的慾望一定要來念UT，或是覺得念UT 是我真正很想要做的事。而選擇念電腦使我更遠離人群，更孤立自己。我常覺得空虛、失去目標，也常情緒不穩，但我把這一切歸為“這就人生”！
在我畢業的前兩年，我童年時的朋友剛好也在UT 就讀。她與我聯繫並把我帶進了ACCCF。那時我用我自己的理性和邏輯思維告訴自己，任何形式的宗教都是不必要的。我剛開始去ACCCF 只是出於禮貌，但我卻被他們的溫暖和歡迎的氣氛所吸引。我被邀請參加查經班和主日崇拜，從那些聚會中我學習到什麼是神，耶穌，和耶穌的教導。這使我重新檢視我的生命，並思考這信仰如何能進入到我的生活中。雖然我對基督教的觀點越來越能接受，也覺得信主應該是個不錯的事，但我卻很固執地拒絕投入當中。
就在我畢業前的一個月，石牧師用馬太福音25 章14-28 節的一個寓言講道，在結尾時，他提到Virginia Tech 槍擊案的主嫌Cho，說其實像這樣的一個人是最需要神的話，這個故事深深地觸動了我，Cho 是個大學生，亞洲人，男性，非常安靜，而且也沒有朋友，我們其實在許多方面都非常相像，甚至，這使我想到了我一個最好的朋友—ChiragPatel。我和Chirag 在高中時成為朋友，我們能成為朋友可能是因為我們的個性非常相向，他也是個非常內向安靜沒什麼朋友的人。其實當我的朋友真的很不容易，我不太會關心人，除非我覺得有必要，否則我不會主動找他。但他仍然和我做了朋友，只要我回去，我們就會一起出去，我們真的共享了很多愉快的回憶和歡笑。
在2005 年4 月Chirag 過世了，他的父母從沒告訴過我他真正的死因為何。而從各樣的蛛絲馬跡我推測他應該是自殺死的。因為我們相似的個性，我可以想像他所經歷的孤寂和絕望，我感受到極深的悲哀，但我一直壓抑著這樣的情緒。可是當石牧師在講道時，我卻禁不住地想:如果我多關心他一點或我早點向他傳福音，會不會結局就不一樣了? 在那當下，我覺得上帝在對我說話，以前的我就是失去方向、空虛和不愛人，但我現在可以做個選擇，選擇繼續過以前那種生命，或選擇上帝所要賜給我的新生命 ---- 一個有神同在並可以成為他人幫助的生命。上帝所給我的這個選擇是如此地清楚，以致我這頑梗的腦袋都能想明白。於是我接受了耶穌基督成為我生命的救主。
回顧以往種種﹕我在很小的時候就來美國；然後因著一些偶發的友誼撐過高中；隨性地決定念UT ；又巧合地遇到兒時的朋友，我的生命似乎是一連串的巧合。然而成為一個基督徒之後，我知道這都是出於神的智慧和愛，使我的生命得蒙拯救，也因著他的恩典使我能在這裡為他做見證！
I was born in the city of Taichung, Taiwan some 23 years ago. I am the younger of two sons. I was a quiet child growing up, and that personality trait (or in most cases, flaw) follows me even today. My family is not religious, and my upbringing reflects this as we rarely discussed anything about spirituality.
My family came to the United States because my father was transferred to a company branch located in Fort Worth, Texas. This move took place when I was 11-years-old. My English was very poor back then, and it made me felt much inferior than the other kids my age. So, I grew even quieter at school and at home. Though they were not Christians, my parents started to regularly attend church at this time. They did not pressure me into going with them, and, being as passive as I am, I never volunteered. Ultimately, my parents did not accept Christ, and they went back to Taiwan after three years at Fort Worth.
My brother and I decided to stay to continue our education. I attended high school and he attended college. High school was a very dark period in my life; I was without my parents, and I was not very good at making friends. I felt very much alone most of the time. I had fight against long bouts of depression and low self-esteem issues. Eventually, I was able to make some very important friendships that kept my spirits up until the end of high school. Still, I had almost no contact with anything religious; I still have not come to know Jesus (public schools in the U.S. are very strict on the separation of church and state.)
I came to the University of Texas almost by chance; I did not have a strong conviction that said, "THIS is where I want to go, and THIS is what I want to do." I chose the Computer Science as my major, which can be a very lonely choice. To make things worse, I continued to fail at being sociable towards others. So I continued living a very introverted life. I felt empty, aimless, and emotionally unstable at times, but I put those feelings under the category of "facts of life."
Two years before my graduation (May 2007), I came in contact with a childhood friend from Taiwan, and she introduced me to the Austin Chinese Christian Campus Fellowship. At this time, I had put reason and logic as my primary means of tool through life; I felt religion of any kind was completely unnecessary. At first, I attended ACCCF meetings out of politeness, but I was really drawn by the warm, welcoming atmosphere of the fellowship. I was invited to bible study and Sunday school, and from there I learned about God, Jesus, and the principles that Jesus had preached. This really made me examine what my life is, and how all of these "religious" things fit into my life. I became more and more open to the idea of a Christian life. Even though I began to feel that accepting Christ is really a good thing, a wonderful thing even, I was stubborn and refused to "give in." I told others that I am waiting for the "moment of clarity and truth."
One month before my graduation from college (April 22, 2007), I attended a Sunday worship where Pastor Shi was the speaker. He gave a sermon on Matthew 25:14-28, the Parable of Talents. As a final addendum to the talk, Pastor Shi recalled the Virginia Tech shooting perpetuated by Cho Seung-Hui. The pastor mentioned that people like Cho are the ones that really could have used the Word of God in their lives. This story really spoke to me. Cho was a college student, Asian, male, very quiet, and did not have many friends. In so many ways, he was very similar to myself. But even more so, he reminded of one of my best friends -- Chirag Patel.
I became friends with Chirag in high school. We probably became friends because our personalities were so alike. He, too, was a introverted, quiet person that did not have too many friends. Being my friend is no easy thing, I rarely initiated any kind of caring gesture. I did not contact Chirag unless I really felt like it. I was not a very good friend, you could say. But Chirag stuck around, and we hung out whenever I was in town. We really shared many good times and laughter together.
Sometime in the month of April 2005, Chirag died. His parents never told me the cause of death. I can only assume it is suicide by all the bits and pieces of information. As we were so similar, I can imagine the loneliness and desperation Chirag felt at the end of his life. I felt a true sadness, and I had tried to suppress this feeling ever since he died. When Pastor Shi mentioned the story of Cho, I started to imagine what would have happened had I been caring and giving towards Chirag; what would have happened if I had shared the Gospel with him. At that moment, I felt like God was truly speaking to me. This was not the wonderful "moment of clarity" that I had wanted, but rather, it was a clear choice. Here is my old life -- aimless, empty, and uncaring. Now, I could continue to live this way, but God is offering me a better one. A life where God is with me; a life where I can truly be useful to others. And at that moment, the choice was so clear that even my stubborn brain understood. I decided to accept Jesus Christ.
Looking back, my life seems to be shaped by coincidences. I came to the U.S. at an early age; I survived through high school by some random friendships; I attended University of Texas at a whim; and I met my childhood friend and arrived at ACCCF completely by chance. But now, as a person who believes in God, in the wisdom and love of God, I know that God had saved my life. Living everyday when my best friend died at the young age of 22, I know that it is by His grace alone that I can be here giving my testimony on my new life.
Powei Feng
July 1, 2007