So no shit, there we were in the war...at least, that's the way I'd LIKE for it to sound. Meh. Anyway, for an entire week I met Cha-Chee at like 9:00 in the a.m., and we'd haul this freaking toilet to the middle of the West Mall and set it up. We then proceeded to drop our pants and underwear (cleverly girding our loins with a second pair of underoos and long shirts), open a paper, and "go about our business," if you "know what I mean."

Reaction quickly ramped as the week progressed, from incredulous stares on Monday to snickers and giggles (much better than gickers and sniggles, I assure you) on Friday. One question we were constantly getting asked was "Why are you doing this?" There really was no answer; and off in the distance I believe I heard Eugene Ionesco rolling in his grave. Responses ranged from the smart-alecky "Because the food I ate was digested, and now I am excreting my waste into this public porcelain basin," to the often-interpreted-as-rude response of "Why? Because we LOVE you!"

Another common question was "What are you guys protesting?" which was given an incredulous look and a response of "What the hell are you talking about?!? I'm taking a shit!!!" Although this idea would later play a more important role later in the week.

Speaking of bladder infections, we also had a table set up for the Knighthood. By Tuesday we had incorporated a "toilet humor survey," the results of which are posted on the web page. What was most heartening was the fact that, from 9:00 til' 5:00, SOMEONE was (wo-)manning the toilet at ALL TIMES. From Cha Chee, to Chi Chi, to me, to Cameron, to Nick, to Mynde, to Ryan, to Rashee, to some random girl who showed up! Now THAT'S impressive.

Blah blah blah. Also interesting to note was the fact that the majority of the WASP population on campus, especially those linked with the Greek system, and therefore pig-fucking, didn't find this humorous at ALL. They would often mutter things under their breaths about "us freaks" or how they "needed to fuck a pig--now!!!" when we would ask them for toilet paper. African-Americans, as well as Asians really seemed to get the joke.

Also, we found out (and I swear to GOD I'm not kidding about this) that sitting on a toilet in public is the BEST WAY IN THE FREAKING WORLD TO GET HIT ON. Jumpin' smeg, there were women left and right, as well as an Asian guy in really really really tight jeans. He was kind of scary, though, because he had these odd teeth.

We should have made it into the paper (channel 8 even filmed me), but some idiots in College Station decided to drop logs on their heads and get killed, and they got all the attention.

By Friday, it became apparant that the wandering preacher-guy from the Probe Center (if THAT doesn't sound ominous, I don't know what does) named Cliffe who was randomly there the same week we were needed to be shut down. We had already painted the toilet bright gold, and dubbed it "The Golden Toilet of Infinite Wisdom" for obvious reasons. We had heckled Cliffe earlier, but this was pretty much taking it too far, which isn't far enough! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA...the toilet-reader was now accompanied by the latest issue of "SWANK" to drool over while building their own personal log cabin.

We held communion from the bowl, and even made a sandwitch board proclaiming that "The Toilet Loves You More Than Jesus Does." For our efforts, we were called "unclean" and "parasites." Sob. I'm still reeling.

Matter of fact, I drew a picture of the event. If you're not reading this on a braille terminal, you too can see it!

-Don Phillippe

*note -Phillippe recieved his Knighthood for holding this crazy event.*

Phillippe's artistic rendition of the event

Pictures of the Event

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