Febuary 14, 2001
"We peddled our hate like a 12 year old Vietnamese girl peddles her ass in an American military base."
-Kareem BadrRight, so we wanted to finally have an event again and the next logical thing to make fun of was the ever-blessed holiday of Saint Valentine's Day. So, naturally, I pulled out my black dress and black, knee high, vinyl boots and got to work. I also had the help of Roy, Kareem, and Wes. Between the four of us, we harvested up enough bitterness so that we could market it. Firstly, Roy locked himself up in his mist-shrouded tower of loneliness and looked deep into his soul. Where once joy and love had flourished, he now found nothing but a wasteland of darkness, despair, and crushed dreams. He wept like a simpering puppy for days, but ultimately pulled himself together long enough to come up with the following shirt idea: "I was in a wonderful, loving relationship and all I got was the lousy t-shirt." We printed about twenty of these, determined to become rich off his torment and suffering.
Next, we set out to produce some propaganda to distribute to the student body laced with our spirit of the holiday. A few hours and a few dollars to Kinko's later, we were all set to spread the spirit with love filled phrases such as "If by "Love" you mean "Hate" then yes," and "I love you, I am just not in love with you." Some of the more caring and thoughtful valentines included "Looking at internet porn. Thinking of you," and "Meh."
Now, we were all set to share the love. Once again, I pulled out my Valentine's Day gear while several of the guys sported our new t-shirt. All day long we watched people's faces light up as we gave them a free valentine….then, we watched their faces deluminate as they read, "I guess you'll do." Also, for our own amusement, we held an ass contest. We tallied how many times Wes' ass was checked out while he was sporting his kilt and how many times my ass was checked out. The results?….well, we will just keep you guessing on that one! The shirt went over quite well with the crowds. We even had one girl buy one with promises of giving it to her boyfriend as her way of saying "it's over, buddy."
Once we had passed out hundreds of valentines and sold a few t-shirts, satisfaction was reached, the planets were aligned, and joy spread throughout the land.
-Mynde
The Valentines we handed out
Back to Crazy Shit We've Done